Argh!

[regala_electra]

Plotbunny hopped away. It'll come by again at the worst possible moment. Just you wait and see.

So this week was like yeah. Tuesday was great, I mean, meeting up with people? Being social? Hearing Alley live? All fab.

Work is eh. And more eh. I'm a receptionist at a little lawfirm and I really, really can't wait for Vegas. Cuz vacation, yo. Yeah.

When school starts up (and man, it's really just over a month away, damn), I'll continue to work there, but my hours will be shortened a lot. And I'm thinking that I won't work on Tuesday from 11-3, which means I'll still have a huge gap between classes, but I can use that time to do homework. Which means I'll be surfing the net and writing p0rn.

Because I'm a great student like that. And yeah, it's my last yeah. Which means I'm totally fucked. I have no idea what I'll do once I graduate. I'd love to go to grad school but I have to pay my own way. (Looks at empty pockets.)

Well fuck that idea.

I mean, what can I offer? My mad editing skillz? Yeah, right. My wit? Not when I speak. My sparkling personality? Yeah, I'm Mary Fucking Sunshine over here.

So yeah, one year of school left. It went by much quicker than I thought it would. I have no idea what I want to do. I mean, I want to be a professional writer. But I honestly don't think I have what it takes to be one. And then I get depressed and write poetry. I *hate* writing poetry.

Okay, so lost a plotbunny, now am depressed about future, yeah, I'm my worst enemy sometimes.

Comments

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

(Pssst. Want to write for a living? Do what my husband did. Marry someone who can support you.)

[alleynyc.livejournal.com]

Or you can just support yourself. Truly, it took me a long time to work out how to do the music thing when I only make around $12,000-$15,000 from that NOW (forget when I started), but you find other ways to earn money. Most of my music friends have jobs that supplement their music income and most importantly, give us health insurance.

You just have to think outside the box. Not be limited by the very strong messages our society often sends us.

Your life is a *creation* and only has to look good to you.

Big messages I got (and still get) were: At some point you must *settle down*. Uh, why? I save money, I put aside money for retirement, I have health insurance, I've made sure I have job security for a certain portion of my income. These days setting down guaratees nothing. So, take care of yourself your own way and move on.

Another HUGE message I got from my Mom in particular was "music is a hobby, you need to be real." She really discouraged me. Is my Mom evil? Despite my posts, I don't believe she is.

My Mom grew up in a family where the one musician was wildly successful and the other musicians (not that there are a ton) did it as a hobby. IOW, since in school it didn't look like I was going anywhere with music, talentwise, there was no point in me continuing with a career wherein I wouldn't graduate college and immediately make my entire living from it.

My Mom worries, as Moms do. But it is only hindsight that allows me to see that I was right to completely ignore her naysaying. As an *adult* it's a no brainer. She completely does not understand this business, makes grand statements as if she does understand it when all of her information is based on her parents who were a homemaker and a father who owned a car business. She *still* tries to tell me how the music business works (but is nice enough to back off when I point out that I've been doing this for over 10 years and how long was she in the business - oh, that would be never?)

My point is to look where you are getting your information. You can't base your life on careers that are not the same (nor can you base your career on some ridiculously successful writers). You want to look at people who get the job done, model your life on people who seem to have the type of life you want (not the goods resulting from that life but literally structure their days in a way that seems cool to you and allow you to take care of yourself *while* you pursue your dreams).

God, I'm lecturing. Running away now.

[regala-electra.livejournal.com]

It's an excellent lecture and thank you so much, Alley, it means a lot to me.

I do need to figure thinks out and I know that I do have some time, I am 21 and I feel that someday I will be able to have what I want, the problem is myself, I'm the one keeping myself from making sure that I become a professional writer. Heck, I've never really taken any writing classes and I don't really finish any of my original stuff, which are things I should do.

But I feel that I will eventually get there. I know I will.

[regala-electra.livejournal.com]

Heh, I'm pretty much sequestered in the life of a monk. Am avoided by menfolk like the plague.

[alleynyc.livejournal.com]

You sound like me when I was in college and it all turned out okay. I've gone on tour, done really high level work, I have my band and believe me, I was NOT considered a singer "going places" other than onto another career.

So just keep writing and practicing your craft. You don't have to be good yet. It's a process, right? The fact that you *do* write is working on that.

You'll make it, just keep plugging away.

[alleynyc.livejournal.com]

ACK. I didn't mean to imply that you *weren't* good yet. That was my analogy about *me* - you got that right?

[mshepnj.livejournal.com]

Because I'm a great student like that. And yeah, it's my last yeah. Which means I'm totally fucked. I have no idea what I'll do once I graduate. I'd love to go to grad school but I have to pay my own way. (Looks at empty pockets.)


Well I've both been there myself and now with my son's who going to graduate from RIT in the Spring.

I can say that I was nervous about my future when I graduated, had no idea what i was going to do, and had a kid to support. I took an "entry level" job in a field I hadn't considered when I first went to college and worked up - and out- from there.

You may find something that you never thought of doing before but with your writing ability and obvious intelligence, I know you'll be a success at whatever you choose to do.

Now the mom side of me... Alley's right about moms worrying. I certainly do, but I also trust my son to explore a number of options before he settles on something.

My son is studying Biomedical Photography which sounds like it would be a good specialty, but I'm not really sure how many jobs there are in it. He's also done many extra-curricular things that, while they may not be a career in themselves, show leadership, good people skills, the abilty to adapt and work under pressure, and basically skills that would be an asset to a future employer. He talks about grad school too, but that, as you say, is his own expense and it's really hard. Still, he'll have our emotional support (if not financial) if he chooses to do that.

Anyway, don't underestimate your experience both in school and out of it. I suggest keeping your options open.

[regala-electra.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for your comments. I'll keep them in mind, mostly I was just having a moment of doubt and needed to vent. I'm pretty much fine after I vent. ;-)

[stephanierb.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel. I've been out of college for years now and I still don't know what I'm doing with my life.

You've definitely got the talent to be a professional writer, so don't let that hold you back. It's easy to get discouraged, but if you really want it, you should go for it. Have you spoken to a career counselor or one of your English professors at school? They might be able to offer some advice as to how to pursue a writing career and maybe help you to determine what you want to do for work while trying to get published.

It's always easy for other people to say this, but try not to get depressed. Believe in yourself and whatever happens, I think you'll be happy that you gave it a shot.

[regala-electra.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much, Stephanie.

You've definitely got the talent to be a professional writer

Aww. I do feel that I have interesting things to write, it's more a matter of me knowing my own writing issues (not finishing things, getting distracted) and that I need to ensure that I cam survive on my own and manage to eke out a couple of finished works.

I have spoken to professors and while being an English Major is great to break into any field, it's the field-narrowing that I'm having problems with. There's no way I'd ever become a lawyer or go into law, what I find interesting about it is outweighed by what annoys me about the law.

And as for the publishing world, I haven't been able to crack into it or really considering getting an internship because I need to work and be paid, yo.

But I'll do what I can and it'll turn okay in the end.