Here Be Rants

[regala_electra]

As per my post this morning, here be my rants.


bad fashion! for cathybites:

Turn to the fucking left because sometimes when I go to gofugyourself.com, I lose the will to live. FACT: skinny jeans look good on less than 1% of the population. You are not one of those precious few. If it makes your ass look flat and your legs look like you were sadly born with backwards knees, then no, you do not look awesome. Cap sleeves were invented by SATAN as for some reason we can’t have sleeve in-between three quarters or those damn cap sleeves. I’d love to not see arm flab on anyone, let alone myself. Now, yeah, sometimes I’m girly and believe me, I go on clothes shopping binges, but I’m really freakin’ pissed that the worst elements of 80’s fashion are coming back with a vengeance. We have photographic and video evidence of the HORRORS back then. STOP looking like an escapee from a Pat Benatar video.

Leggings are NOT to go under dresses. Just because you can wear shoes that make it look like you have cloven hooves for feet doesn’t mean that you should. And if there is a God, he just put you on his shit list for wearing high waisted pants that do your body absolutely no favors.

Look, high-fashion is great and avante-garde is interesting but not when you’re on the street stomping from Starbuck’s to Starbuck’s—not only do you look crazy but you’re making my EYES BLEED with your horrible lack of understanding of being true to your own fashion personality and thinking that wearing the hip-huggers down low so we can know exactly which fancy thong you’re sporting today is so fuckin’ classy we should bow in awe to your trashy inability to have any decent measure of taste.

Also, just because a model or crazy celebrity can get away with wearing it, that doesn't mean that you can.




blue m&ms for sloane_m:

Blue M&Ms are for pussies. Where the fuck are my tan M&Ms? But then, like Ozzy, I just want a brandy glass full of the brown M&Ms and you better have it here to me in 30 minutes or I’m going to EAT YOUR BIRD.




People on the subway for tundraeternal

PEOPLE ON THE SUBWAY SUCK. Stop judging me for having sex with that guy on the subway. Oh wait, that didn’t happen, it was just a joke that teaspoon said when me and my crew were hanging out and this woman totally JUDGED me when Elle said that. Which, WTF it was kind of obviously not true and what the hell does it matter to you, I’m not having sex in front of you right now, am I? No, I’m fucking well not. The asstards who don’t step all the way into the train so that the damn door can finally fuckin’ close can kiss my white ass. LOOK, we all know the rules and if you want to lie against the door? Go right ahead after the door freakin’ closes. And hey, you over there, stop hogging the pole. I know it’s tempting, being as that used to be your job and all, working the pole, but a ho’s gotta get going and that ho be me so let me grab onto that nice cylinder of metal and how you how to work it. See? You hold it with one or two hands, not hug it with your entire body. And people who CLEARLY have enough space for another person to sit down but put down all their crap so that they have a buffer zone…in between them and a friend? You can go die in a fire because not only is the train stuffed to the gills, but you’re SMIRKING at me getting tossed about as I try to keep my center of gravity in a sea of tired people.



UNDERWIRES for stephanometra:

To be honest, I kind of don’t hate underwires because I have magical bras that make my boobs look aaaamazing BUT I used to have issues. But let me give an anti-shout out to the sons of bitches who make my ladyfriends’ lives a living hell due to bra woes.

Fuck those Satanists working to ensure that underwire bras cut into the tender skin of a woman’s body JUST SO, ensuring lots of pain throughout the day and, once it seems like the bra’s finally been worn in enough that it only hurts a little and then SNAP the fucking wire dies. They can go get trapped in a subway full of drunken tourists/bridge-and-tunnel people wearing skinny jeans and cap-sleeved baby tees (and yes I’m including guys).

A bra is meant to provide support, make your tits look amazing, and NOT BE A DEATH TRAP.

Comments

[caithream.livejournal.com]

I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT MY ASS LOOKS AMAZING IN MY SKINNY JEANS. *Wiggles*

Omgggg leggings under dresses = SO MUCH NO. It's kind of HILARIOUS, the way fashion is around here, because apparently since it's warm and we have uh, palm trees, people think it's LA and thus dress like little bitches. I mean, you live in New York, so, you know, UNDERSTANDABLE. But this is half podunk-ville, half urban sprawl and last time I checked most CERTAINLY not LA, but whatever. SIGH.

Also, oh my God, I'm going to offend a lot of people, but as far as fashion goes, boys in girl jeans make me want to VOMIITTTT. A lot of my guy friends are wearing them and ugh, it makes me so sad. :(((

[regala-electra.livejournal.com]

So long as your ass looks GOOD. I hate jeans because my body shape looks horrid in them. I rock bell bottom pants which are OUT OF STYLE and the damn wide leg style makes it look like I have TREE TRUNKS FOR LEGS. Not on.

Boys in girl jeans ARE gross. I swear, there was this hipster guy wearing girl's jeans and Flashdance-style cut up sweater OFF THE SHOULDER and his legs looked like they were put on backwards (<-- and he was waiting for a train the subway, hahahahaha). And he looked, well, if I ever felt like I want to go totally gay, I just need to think about that guy because he killed my guy lust. WTF.

[krabapple.livejournal.com]

First of all, blue m&ms were invented by the devil and are a heinous injustice rendered upon all the other good m&ms. (Yes, I'm one of those crazy people who thinks different color m&ms tasted differently and blue m&ms taste the worst.) Though red is on notice in my book.

And people who CLEARLY have enough space for another person to sit down but put down all their crap so that they have a buffer zone/

OH MY GOD. I have so many rants about public transportation it's not funny, but that is IN MY TOP THREE FOR SURE. I hate that so much. You are not a special snowflake! You have to put your crap on your lap like everyone else so that as many people as who can and want to can sit down. It's just common courtesy! It's the human thing to do. My GOD, who raised you?

*ahem*

In other words: WORD.

[azephirin.livejournal.com]

The asstards who don’t step all the way into the train so that the damn door can finally fuckin’ close can kiss my white ass....And hey, you over there, stop hogging the pole.

Oh my God, AMEN. WHAT IS WITH THE DAMN POLE-HOGGERS. I WANT TO CUT THEM ALL. OR AT THE VERY LEAST SUBJECT THEM TO MY CAPSLOCK.

[snuffkin.livejournal.com]

leggings sucks so much and the whole return of the 80s style is making me puke.

Also I hate taking the bus/subway/public transport because people are just STUPID

[sloane-m.livejournal.com]

Blue M&Ms man, they're seriously evil. What's wrong with the regular colours. That's what I want to know. Oh yeah and people who don't move out of the goddamn way really, really get on my tits. Brisbane people on the bus are shockers. They mill, like fucking sheep in one spot instead of going to the back of the bus. Then you get a bottleneck and then the bus driver thinks the bus is full so they don't stop at your stop. Stupid fucking idiots.

[tundraeternal.livejournal.com]

Dayam, girl, you did that some justice! Feeling better now?

[cathybites.livejournal.com]

oh my god, fucking HIGH-WAISTED JEANS. They make me want to stab my EYES out, especially when the dips wearing them also tuck in their shirts. What's next? Tucking your jeans into your scrunch socks? The return of the mall bangs? UGH.

and Wordy McWORD to everything in your subway rant. I was about ready to choke a wretch this morning. A wretch who, incidentally, was wearing puke green leggings.